The Anti-Jesus Camp

Church camp, Bible camp, Jesus camp. Back in the days of shared cultural christianity it was not uncommon for most kids to spend a week or more at some sort of religious camp. My own youth was spent traveling up to Northern Grace Youth Camp in Shawano, WI. Recently church camps have been declining in popularity. Attendance is down 18% in the U.S. since 2000. I suspect the decline is much greater since the 50s, when many christian camps were established. In 2006 a documentary called “Jesus Camp” drew some controversy from both sides as it presented a very cultish picture of one particular summer camp. I can say from experience that while bible camps do certainly have an agenda (religious education), they are not all a bunch of crazy politicos brainwashing 8-year olds. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are a little odd — as odd as the denominations that host them.

Finally, the good news: if you like tetherball, crafts, and cooking “hobo dinners” over an open fire, but hate God – there is an alternative! Welcome to Camp Quest, whose stated purpose is

to provide children a residential summer camp dedicated to improving the human condition through rational inquiry, critical and creative thinking, scientific method, self-respect, ethics, competency, democracy, free speech, and the separation of religion and government guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States.

According to the BBC they have activities ranging from swimming, nature hikes, sing alongs and designing blind and double-blind experiments. I personally can’t wait to play “Invisible Pink Unicorn Hunt” where children practice proving a negative (ie. “There is no unicorn at the camp”). I’m not sure what’s more fun, that game or Bible Baseball.

While it seems a tad reactionary and maybe a little brainwashy, there have been atheists around for as long as there have been theists, so they’re due for a summer camp. It could backfire though. Take kids away from their tv and their video games and their internets and throw them out into the Blue Ridge Mountains for a week and there’s a chance they could see a Creator in all that nature.

BONUS: Recipe for a Hobo Dinner

1. One large raw potato
2. One large raw carrot
3. 1/2 cup chopped raw onion
4. A fist-sized chunk of raw hamburger
5. Campfire burned down to hot embers
6. Lowry’s Seasoning Salt
7. Ketchup
8. A 1′ square piece of aluminum foil

Flip your foil “shiny side down”. Using the Bite and Spit™ method bite off small hunks of potato and carrot and spit them into your foil*. Pull finger-tip sized pieces of meat from your burger and toss them in. Dump in the onion. Pour in ketchup. Shake some Lowry’s on that. Mix it around with a spoon or a stick. Seal up your foil into a packet and place onto hot embers. Wait approximately 20-30 minutes shifting as necessary. Thank God for your meal / think about the finitude of life (depends on which camp you’re at). Open and eat with a fork. There might be sand or a bug in there. That’s Ok.

* You may also use a pocket knife if you’re a cry baby.

“God is my art agent.”

File under: Thomas Kinkade. Not only does he take advantage of “art”-loving moms and grandmoms, he also kicks gallery owners in their metaphorical necks. Witness this San Francisco Chronicle article. Excerpt:

Kinkade and other company officials used terms like “partner,” “trust,” “Christian” and “God” to create “a certain religious environment designed to instill a special relationship of trust” with the couple.

What the company didn’t tell them, said their attorney, was that they would have to sell Kinkade’s works at minimum retail prices while the artist undercut them with discount sales, some of which he made himself on cable television.

It was part of a plan, they claimed, to lower the value of the publicly traded company before Kinkade bought it in 2004, at steep losses to many investors. Hazlewood and Spinello put their $122,000 savings into galleries in Charlottesville and Fredericksburg, Va., that opened in 1999 and 2000 and closed in 2003.

Tricksy stuff from the painter of light. But let’s face it, businesses have been using God for centuries to separate the faithful from their coin. It’s bad enough we have to deal with religious hucksters hawking their wares. If you’re going to be loud and proud about your christian faith, please be the most ethical and kind and giving business person on the planet. Anything less and you’re dragging God down with you.